I try…

Today I was in a lot of pain.  My ankle and feet were so swollen that I could barely walk.  Each step I took felt like I was walking on a joints made of glass that shatter with each step I take. I try not to complain about my pain. I try to wave it off when people see me limp and ask if I am ok.  I try to focus on other stuff to avoid breaking down in tears.  I try not to wish that I was normal and healthy…..because I know that wish will never come true.

I no longer hold out hope that I will ever feel better.  I guess now, I just try to hope for a good day once in a while.

The swelling in my left foot is so bad that it has me worried.  I did some research and I am fairly certain that I have edema.  I am seeing my rheumatologist in 2 weeks and I decided to try some different things to see if I can clear up this swelling.  I can easily call my doctor, but I know the treatment will be prednisone.  Instead, I decided to go gluten and dairy free with no/low sodium and low carbs to see if a change in diet could help reduce my pain and swelling.  I am also wearing compression socks, taking short walks hourly, and keeping my leg elevated as much as possible.  So far, I’m seeing no improvement or change whatsoever.  Worst case scenario, there will be no change and I will have to cave and go on a dose of prednisone.  Best case scenario, I’ll lose weight while I begin to feel better.  Regardless, I figure it will give me some good data before seeing my rheumatologist.

Everyone claims gluten free makes you feel amazing.  This is my third round of  the gluten-free diet and honestly, it’s never done anything much for me.  When I tell gluten-free people that, I’m told “You must not be doing it right.” (Like I can’t figure out which items I am eating have gluten or not??)  I know people have good intentions, but it’s just so infuriating.  It makes me want to chow down on a big old bowl of gluten in front of them while wearing a shirt that says, “Gluten is my spirit animal”.

I’m so very tired of feeling grumpy because of pain.  I guess it’s time to be grumpy because I can’t eat my favorite foods!  LOL  So wish me luck as I try to feel better through a change in diet.