Slide and twist….

I used to joke that if I ever woke up without pain, I’d think I was dead. I should clarify that I often wake up without pain, but as soon as I attempt to move… YOWZA This past summer, my diagnosis changed from rheumatoid arthritis to non-radiographic ankylosing spondylitis. My back has been killing me […]

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Stop asking me to dance…

I’ve lived with Chronic illness for over 20 years. During that time, I admit, I haven’t always been good at communicating what I needed from friends and family. Over the years, I’ve learned how to set boundaries and ask for what I need. The issue is, I’ve become more discerning of whom I choose to […]

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Oops, I did it again…

In 2019, I finished out my school year, and traveled to visit my dad for father’s day. I was very run down and felt horrible, but attributed it to an autoimmune arthritis flare. I became deathly ill with vomiting/diarrhea and a high fever. I had pneumonia. Fast forward to my first day of school (with […]

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Cross your fingers for me…

I started my new biosimilar infusions to treat my autoimmune arthritis in May 2022. Everyone asked me, “Is it working?” Honestly, it’s hard to tell. I was cautiously optimistic. Slowly, I noticed I could walk my dog for longer periods, walk upstairs to use the bathroom at the end of the day (instead of crawling […]

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Dipping my toes back in…

I’ve been riding a low wave lately. I’m coming up on the year anniversary of losing my dad to COVID19. I continue to have feelings of anger, heartache, disbelief, and utter grief. Honestly, most days, I struggle to get out of bed. I took a huge chunk of 2021 off to work on myself. To […]

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I’m angry

I am very angry and have been for a very long time. I’m angry that in my dogs final days I spent more than 75% of the time sitting in the car waiting for her instead of being able to hold and comfort her due to COVId-19. I’m grateful I was able to hold her […]

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April showers…..

I was determined to write about something that didn’t have to do with depression. I couldn’t do it. I lost so much in 2020, that somedays it feels unimaginable that I will be able to pull myself out. Ironically, social media has “memories” that pop up on your feed that highlight things that happened in […]

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Certainly uncertain…

A year ago the world shut down. I remember sitting in my little office with two students and my high school intern. I was getting annoyed because the intern kept checking her phone. Suddenly she looks up and says, “My mom said we are closed for two weeks!” You can image the reaction of the […]

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Grace-less

People keep telling me over and over that I need to give myself some grace to deal with my illness, to deal with my grief, to deal with the pandemic, etc. I listen and then immediately ask myself, “What does that mean?” So I looked it up: According to Mashable: Give yourself grace is permission to […]

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Unexpected goodness

This has been a crazy week. Watching the news and all the information regarding COVID-19. Of course the first known person in Pennsylvania happened to live about 4 miles from me. I heard as I was pulling into a gas station to fill up my tank. I found napkins before picking up the nozzle and […]

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