As My Joints Turn

My Autoimmune Soap Opera

 

Morning:  It took me almost 2 hours to get out of bed this morning BECAUSE I was so stiff.  I threw my hair up BECAUSE trying to do it would have been too painful on my wrists, elbows, and shoulders.  My clothes were laid out, but as usual, I struggled to get the bra hooked with my swollen fingers.  I still put rings on BECAUSE I’m stubborn (but made sure they were the adjustable kind).  I drove to work one handed BECAUSE I couldn’t grip the steering wheel.

Day: I had a good day at work.  I love my job.  Enjoy my students and coworkers.  I move slowly and take the elevator instead of the stairs.  I feel like people judge me as being lazy BECAUSE I look like there is nothing wrong with me.  By lunch, I was struggling to type, write, and when I tried to staple….I burst into tears BECAUSE the pain overwhelmed me (I freaked my coworker out with that one).  I make it through the day BECAUSE I love my career.  If I hated my job, I’d probably be struggling a lot more to make it through each day.

Evening/Night: After work, I needed to get groceries, but my swollen hands and sore legs made me rethink my plans.  I drove home 20 miles with alternating hands BECAUSE both hands hurt equally now.  I stopped at a convenience store to grab dinner BECAUSE the thought carrying a dish, washing a dish or cutting food made me cringe in pain.  I ate mashed potatoes.  I took the dog for a very short walk BECAUSE my whole body hurt and the fatigue was overwhelming. I feel guilty BECAUSE the dog deserves better.  I feel sad, BECAUSE, so do I.   Then I took one bag of trash out, but have no energy to get another bag together.  I have more chores but after showering, I’m pretty much out of spoons.  My hair is air drying BECAUSE I can’t hold the blow dryer.  I’m sitting on the couch watching TV, snuggling with my cat & dog BECAUSE they make me happy on a damp and cold night.

Tomorrow:  I’ll get up and do it all over again BECAUSE this is my life with RA.  Why keep fighting?  BECAUSE I have no choice…this is my life…

2 thoughts on “BECAUSE….

  1. Rick says:

    You keep fighting Because you are brave and really what choices do we have? Not many.

    I love your blog as always, but this one really struck home. Because,, I feel most of the same things.

    Like

  2. Thanks Rick! It's so nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings. I hope you are well. xx

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

A Chronic Spoonful

Thoughts and stories from the world of chronic pain, illness, and disability

Lavender and Levity

Laughing at myself, and learning to love (live with) it!

Chronically Undiagnosed

A therapist's journey through chronic illness

Reclaiming HOPE

Learning to Thrive, Not Just Survive, With Fibromyalgia

Past the Isle of Dogs

My adventures in self-publishing and other gibberish

Carla's Corner

Because I can't keep silent

∞ itis

Rheumatoid Arthritis, autoimmunity, and life

Wheelescapades

Tea, Tours and Escapades

Jamison Writes

Not Like The Whiskey

The World Sees Normal

How Does the World See You?

The World Sees Normal!

The Truth About Chronic Illness

MINAMACS DAILY BLOG

My favorite things Nail designs, makeup tutorial,qoutes,food art,Health & wellness,candles,music.etc..

Chronically catherine

Musings of a Young Arthritic

Limberation

Limber Up to Live Life

Healthy Body Support

Fuel your body with all the nutrients it requires for healthy, long lasting, energetic service.

Sad N Blue

Effecting coping methods for depression and anxiety

rawthoughtshealing.wordpress.com/

Uncensored thoughts and holistic services to help heal your body and mind.

Nikki's Confetti Life

Compositions of my life energy

debthorpeknits

Just another WordPress.com site

FairyLab Soaps, LLC

Handcrafted Milk- & Yogurt-Based Soaps and Such

%d bloggers like this: