Living with chronic illness means always living on the edge of depression. It’s depressing being sick. It’s depressing when you are sick and bad things happen in and around your life. The past two months, I have broken my foot, had to take time off of my part-time job to recover (thus decreasing my income) which has been extremely stressful. I was told pain medication slows down a broken bone’s ability to mend, so I’ve decreased my meds and am living in so much pain with the hope my foot heals. My father (age 82) choked while out to dinner with his brothers and ended up having a mild heart attack and aspiration pneumonia as a result of the episode. My dog Georgia has had multiple illnesses including repeated ear infections and a urinary tract infection. Watching her pee blood almost made me faint from shock. Finally, my car’s broke down twice in one day. I had to take an unplanned day off because I had a feeling the battery was still under warranty, so I didn’t want to pay for a replacement. I was right. It was a free replacement, but I fell behind with work and have been drowning ever since. On Monday night, I hit real low point. Struggling with health, finances, injuries, family illness, and car issues in a short span of time was truly overwhelming. I sat around for a bit feeling so very sorry for myself, feeling like a total failure, and freaking out over how to deal with everything.
Then I came home and read a post from my cousin who just lost her son in a tragic accident a few weeks ago. Perspective was like a slap in the face. I cried as I read her beautifully heart-breaking words. My problems, although difficult, can be fixed. My dear sweet cousin doesn’t have that option. I wish I had some magic to make it all better for her.
So my life has really sucked lately, but I have to focus on the fact that it could truly be worse. I may be treading water, in pain, and exhausted, but I’m still moving. Wish me luck that my foot has healed and that PT gets me back on track. I’m hoping for a better 2019 for myself, and my family.