When Is Enough, Enough?
This past year has challenged me in ways I never could have anticipated—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Since May, I’ve worked incredibly hard to find some semblance of balance. I’ve been trying to heal, adjust, and figure out how to live well despite the challenges my body keeps throwing my way. Some days, I feel like I’m making progress. Other days, my body apparently decides we need a new plot twist.
And frankly, I’m getting tired of the writers of this particular soap opera.
A few weeks ago, I posted a photo of myself with severe facial flushing. My face was beet red, swollen, and burning. I asked my fellow chronic illness friends if anyone had experienced anything similar.
Several people suggested I look into Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS).
Down the rabbit hole I went.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I had nearly every symptom listed. Even more frustrating? I’d been complaining about many of those symptoms for almost two years.
One of the most maddening things about autoimmune diseases is how much their symptoms overlap with other conditions. Trying to get a definitive diagnosis can feel like assembling a thousand-piece puzzle when half the pieces belong to another box. And even when you finally have a diagnosis, figuring out how to manage the symptoms is an entirely different adventure.
I met with an allergist/immunologist, who ordered blood work. Being the efficient little patient that I am, I combined his lab slip with the one from my rheumatologist. Why get stabbed twice when you can consolidate your suffering into one convenient appointment?
When the results started rolling in, I was greeted by a rather impressive collection of “out of range” flags.
Lovely.
After a closer look, I realized that some of the abnormalities could be explained by the steroids I’m currently taking.
Okay. Fine. Nothing to panic about.
Then I got to the last two results.
My vitamin D, which has historically been perpetually low, was suddenly beautiful. Perfectly normal.
Wonderful, right?
Except I realized I hadn’t taken my vitamin D supplement in about a month.
Then I noticed my calcium level.
High. Very high.
Now, calcium is essential for healthy bones, but too much circulating in the bloodstream is an entirely different matter.
Naturally, I consulted Dr. Google, who promptly presented me with approximately 47 new reasons to lose sleep.
I decided that particular rabbit hole was beyond my remaining mental bandwidth and opted to wait for my actual doctor.
She called bright and early this morning.
And she’s concerned.
After speaking with my doctor, I did a little more research. Hypercalcemia, or elevated calcium in the blood, can have several causes, including parathyroid dysfunction, certain cancers, medications or supplements, and other underlying medical conditions.
During my research, I came across some reports suggesting a possible association between GLP-1 medications and elevated calcium levels. While this isn’t a common or well-established side effect, it caught my attention because I’m currently taking one.
I reached out to my GLP-1 medical team and am waiting for a physician to return my call. In the meantime, their medical assistant encouraged me to discuss the findings with my other specialists.
So here we are with more questions than answers.
In the span of one week, I’ve dealt with a significant autoimmune arthritis flare that left my joints swollen and incredibly painful. I’ve had facial flushing so intense that my hairstylist brought me an ice pack because she could literally feel the heat radiating from my skin.
And now I have hypercalcemia to investigate.
Apparently, my body has decided that one medical mystery at a time is simply too pedestrian.
But seriously, when is enough, enough?
I’ve never worked so hard to become healthy.
I’ve changed my habits. I’ve lost weight. I’ve followed medical advice. I’ve advocated for myself, researched symptoms, kept appointments, tried new treatments, and learned to accept limitations I never imagined I’d have.
I’ve worked on my mental health. I’ve tried to make peace with a life that looks nothing like the one I envisioned. I’ve tried to give myself grace when my body refuses to cooperate.
I’m doing everything I can to move forward.
And yet, my body seems determined to drag me backward.
It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. And if I’m being completely vulnerable, it’s utterly soul-crushing.
But perhaps the hardest part of all of this isn’t the pain, the fatigue, the uncertainty, or even the seemingly endless medical appointments.
It’s navigating it without the village I relied on for so many years.
The people who knew me before my world turned upside down. The familiar faces, the everyday conversations, the support system that made difficult days a little easier to bear. The ones who loved me and understood.
So much of my life has changed in such a short period of time, and I’m still trying to figure out where I fit in this new version of it.
I know I’m resilient. I’ve proven that to myself more times than I can count.
But resilience doesn’t mean you don’t get tired. It doesn’t mean you don’t cry, get angry, or occasionally wonder how much more you’re supposed to endure.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you should have to navigate everything alone.
I don’t need another lesson in strength.
I’d really just like a little peace.
And maybe, just maybe, a few weeks when my body decides to mind its own business.
