Two steps forward, one step back…

I recently posted about my big diet change.  For about one month, I stuck to it like glue.  I had one cheat day that clocked in around 2200 calories, but overall, I stuck to my plan of 1200 calories or less.  I removed gluten, dairy, and salt.  I also limited carbs and sugar.  I was proud of myself.  My hope was to lose weight AND to see if any of my autoimmune arthritis symptoms would improve by a change in diet.  The first week, I did see a reduction in swelling.  I attributed that to the low/no salt.  By the second and third week, the swelling was back and the pain was still pretty high.  Regardless, I stuck to it.  Determined.  I’ve gained 30 pounds over the past few years due to lack of mobility and the use of prednisone for both pain/swelling and upper respiratory issues.  If I am being honest…..I treat my depression with food, too.  I was determined to get my life back on track and get healthier.

Then I went to see my rheumatologist.  I proudly got on the scale and guess what happened…..I gained 4 pounds.  GAINED. FOUR. POUNDS.  My heart cracked.  My rheumy  and I discussed other potential diets.  I’m going to crack open the Plant Paradox soon to see if removing lectins helps me reduce inflammation.  I left with a script for blood work, The Plant Paradox on my kindle, and a deflated ego.

I posted on facebook and so many people jumped in with suggestions.  I needed to get feedback from people but each one stung a bit, because again, I could only see my failure.   I didn’t start this diet willy nilly.  I met with a nutritionist and weighed the options of meal replacements vs. other diets.  I seldom do anything for my health without thinking about it long and hard.  So this diet was not a spur of the moment decision.  Finding out I gained weight got me thinking that my thyroid levels were off again.  That is a good excuse right?

Well, I got my blood work results back and guess what….I’m hypothyroid again.  You see I have a thyroid but due to Graves disease, I needed to “kill it” with radioactive iodine.  I’ve been fairly regulated for almost 20 years  with medication, but now the lovely menopause is wreaking havoc with my hormones.  Oh, and I’m also anemic.  So all the cards are falling into place as to why I am so tired all the time.  Why weight keeps packing on the pounds no matter what I do.  It’s all so depressing.

Living life with multiple illnesses criss-crossing is so exhausting.  I feel like I never have a good day.  I feel like I am losing myself in the non-stop chronic life ride.  How sad is it that blaming my thyroid for weight gain makes me feel better.  This little tiny organ can at times, make my life miserable.  It’s not my fault, right??  I put forth a solid effort only to come up short.  Today, I’m being miserable and sad.  In a day or two, I’ll refocus and try again.  This life is the eternal two steps forward and one step back.

Venting done…………