It’s in my blood…

I’m the type of rheumatology patients who has “normal” blood work.  My vitamin D is typically wonky but everything else come back clear.  No explanation as to why I’m so tired.  No explanation for my swollen joints.  Now don’t get me wrong, I DON’T WANT anything to be wrong, I just want an explanation. I just want to know WHY I feel awful most of the time.  It’s not too much to ask for, is it?

You would think having clear blood work would be a good thing.  Yay!  Nothing is wrong with me.  Yay!  I’m healthy……but sadly, I am not healthy.  I feel like hell most of the time.  I struggle with daily activities that most people take for granted.  I struggle to walk, shower, do my hair, clean my house, walk my dog, and take out the trash.  Don’t even get me started about laundry….it’s pure torture.  Each time my blood work comes back normal, I have that little voice in the back of my brain call out to me with “Your a hypochondriac!!”  I feel like people around me will judge my wonky gait and baggy eyes and think “She’s just looking for attention.”  No kidding….almost 20 years into living with this disease and I still heckle myself.  Now I KNOW I am not faking anything.  The pain is real and the swelling of my joint is all too real…..but having a tangible explanation…..I thought it would be a relief.

NOPE!!!  I got blood work back and it was a hot mess.  My Graves Disease was out of whack and I’m running hyperthyroid, my red blood cells and hemoglobin are off, and I am anemic.  Protein in my blood is probably the reason why I have had edema in my legs for months.  There are REAL reasons why I feel lousy…..and instead of feeling relief.  I feel scared and I feel more tired than I did before.

Until my next round with the blood lab, I’ll do what I was told and will focus on getting healthy.  Day by day…..