Good intentions?

Living with chronic illness for almost 30 years gives one a thick skin. I’ve met so many people who love to give me free advice. For the most part, it’s all good intended suggestions, but I often feel stumped on how to respond. Today someone said, “My friend says those infusions you take are bad, they lower the immune system.” I responded with, “Well, then she dosn’t have to take them.” Not my best moment. So I thought I would come up with some responses that all of us can use when given unsolicited advice:

POLITE BUT CLEAR BOUNDARIES

“Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m following the plan I set with my medical team.”
“I appreciate your concern, but my condition requires specialized care.”
“That’s kind of you to offer, but I’m already working closely with my doctor.”
“I’m focusing on treatments backed by research and medical guidance.”

FOR PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY MEAN WELL

“It makes sense that you’d want to help, but my illness works differently than what you might see online.”
“Every chronic illness is unique, and what helps one person might not help another.”
“I know that advice comes from a good place, but managing chronic illness is more complicated than it looks.”
“I appreciate the thought — truly — but my medical team has already explored that option.”

NEUTRAL + EDUCATIONAL

“That’s a common misconception, but the science behind my condition doesn’t support that approach.”
“My illness doesn’t respond to lifestyle changes alone, so I have to follow a medical treatment plan.”
“Symptoms can improve or worsen for a lot of reasons, so it’s not always as simple as trying a remedy.”
“Alternative approaches can help some people, but my condition requires clinical treatment.”

DIRECT AND TO THE POINT

“I didn’t ask for advice, but thank you.”
“I prefer to stick with professional medical guidance.”
“That doesn’t apply to my diagnosis, but I appreciate the thought.”
“I’m managing my condition with my doctor — unsolicited advice can be overwhelming.”

LIGHT HUMOR WITHOUT SARCASM

“If managing chronic illness were as simple as that, my doctor would be out of a job.”
“I wish it were that easy — life would be a lot simpler.”
“I’ve heard that one a few times; unfortunately, it doesn’t apply to my condition.”
“That remedy is popular! Sadly, my body didn’t get the memo.”

RESPONSES TO COMMON UNSOLICITED ADVICE

“Have you tried yoga?”
→ “Movement helps some symptoms, but it doesn’t treat the underlying illness.”

“You just need to reduce stress.”
→ “Stress management helps, but my condition has medical causes too.”

“Just think positive!”
→ “A positive mindset is helpful, but it’s not a substitute for treatment.”

“You don’t look sick.”
→ “Many chronic illnesses are invisible — symptoms don’t always show.”

“Try this supplement / diet / herbal remedy…”
→ “Some people find benefits, but it’s not appropriate for my condition without medical supervision.”

COMPASSIONATE BUT FIRM BOUNDARIES

“I know you’re trying to help. What I really need most is support, not advice.”
“Managing chronic illness can be overwhelming, so I try to avoid new suggestions unless they come from my doctor.”
“It’s hard to navigate all the advice out there, so I stick to what my medical team recommends.”

Finally, the things I wish I could say, but won’t (probably won’t):

SUBTLE BUT SAVAGE

“Thank you for your confidence in your ability to fix a disease specialists still struggle with.”
“Is this the part where I clap for you or the part where I pretend to take notes?”
“You must be exhausted from carrying all this expertise.”
“I’ll try that right after I finish mastering teleportation and time travel.”
“Appreciate it. I’ll file that under ‘advice I did not ask for.’”

So what do you say when given unwarranted advice? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.